Enough Syndrome

Enough by definition is occurring in such quantity, quality, or scope as to fully meet demands, needs, or expectations. It’s synonyms are sufficient, adequate, plenty, abundant. Yet, who defines enough? Who is your boss, your teacher, or your friends to define if you are enough? That is God’s job. We live in a world today that is full of inadequacy. A world where more that 15 million Americans live with depression every day. A world where each person is told they aren’t enough of something. In turn we start to believe it. The moment that you begin to believe that you aren’t enough you begin to dig yourself into a deep dark hole that is very hard to get out of.

I tell my husband more often than I care to admit that I have “enough syndrome”. I question if the house is clean enough, if I do enough, if he’s happy enough. I am ALWAYS second guessing if I am enough. The trouble is that this isn’t just me making things up. This is the magazine in the check out line at the grocery store telling me that I’m not thin enough, tan enough, or my hair isn’t long enough. Then there is the woman doing my nails asking me if I have any kids. When I respond no, she wants to know when I’m going to have babies and why I don’t already. Though she of course doesn’t know that I would move mountains to have kids and that unfortunately it just isn’t that easy. The interview where I’m told in ten minutes how impressive it is that I have my Bachelor’s degree at 21 but that the degree field is too unusual. How having a Master’s degree is preferable but the salary wouldn’t pay enough to recoup the cost of the degree itself.

We live in a world where we do EVERYTHING wrong. A world in which you are feeding your family the wrong foods because organic is the only way to go right? Where breastfeeding is better than formula but then nursing mothers are shamed and formula mothers are too. Where working moms are accused of not spending enough time with their kids and stay-at-home moms are shamed for being selfish and depending on their spouse. Stay-at-home dads spark a whole different level of controversy.

Today we live in a world where you have little girls that are only five or six years old and are already worried about how they look and if boys will like them. There is no childhood anymore. Kids of ten are on social media. This world of Internet brings a million different forms of bullying. If you don’t have enough likes, shares, comments then again you aren’t ENOUGH. Every move you make anymore is criticized. There is never ENOUGH of anything for anyone anymore. People are so obsessed with others perceptions. The few who truly live life for themselves and don’t care what others think are exiled for being different. Those who don’t have a spray tan and designer wardrobe or don’t drive the “enough” car, or have the “enough” house live daily just trying to be enough within their means.

Guess what? I haven’t done the laundry yet, I overslept and didn’t make my husbands lunch for work this morning, I’ve eaten maybe once a day for the last week, my hair has been in a messy bun for several days, I’m lucky that I get my coffee daily because without it I might just be a complete and total mess. At the end of all of that my honey will come home and still love me. I don’t always have the house spotless, dishes done, have my hair and make up done like I did when we were dating but that doesn’t make me not enough.

The fact that I am told left and right that I’m over or under qualified for every job I’ve applied to doesn’t mean that I’m not enough. It means that there is a better opportunity out there that I haven’t found yet. The fact that I don’t have kids yet doesn’t mean that I’m not enough. It means that if and when the time is right I’m going to get to be the best mom that I can be and that I’m going to receive a ton of criticism for it and that’s 100% OK. I’m not skinny. I’ve never been and probably never will be and that’s ok too.

As hard as it may be we have to do our best to be enough for ourselves. We’re going to screw up, turn in an assignment late, and forget to defrost the meat for diner. Hey ordering pizza isn’t the worst thing in the world. You have to set your own definition of enough. Be enough for yourself. No one is perfect and more times than not those magazine covers and social media pages display the good side. You see a picture of someone on Facebook and their kids are all sitting in a perfect row and smiling sweetly. They don’t caption it as this is picture number 78. They put a cute message about how much they love their kids and what angels they all are. You don’t see the behind the scenes temper tantrums, biting, screaming, etc. You see what people want you to see. Stop being so hard on yourself. Life happens.

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